“You will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the
living.” ~Psalms 27:13
This is going to be a truly honest post, one that may be
hard to read. But it is real. And this is my life.
Days here are filled with many ups and downs. Times of
difficult conversations among staff, times of heart wrenching situations with
the kiddos, times of feeling so defeated, overwhelmed and uncertain of what
will happen next. Times of not feeling
at all, and recognizing an unsettling numbness to all emotion that has been
ever so familiar in the past. BUT, there have also been times of enormous
blessings, radical healings, transformations and times of being consumed with
God’s overwhelming love, His Father heart for his children, and His comforting
and assuring presence. Days are mixed with it all. And God’s presence is never
fleeting.
The following are glimpses into the kind of consequences of
evil we are trying to speak and bring life into: Our precious little girls and
boys trying to maneuver through this life with a sexual brokenness at such a
young age. Trying to teach
kindergarteners what the differences are between “good” and “bad” touch and
feeling the burden of God’s broken heart for their lives that have been robbed,
so unjustly, of their childhood and innocence. Seeing the tears stream down
their tiny little cheeks as they try to process what has been done to them and
how to thrive, now, in spite of the lying arrows that have pierced them so
deeply.
And God sees them. And He sits with them and speaks his
gentle and furiously pure love over their hearts, minds and bodies. And we
continue to put our trust in Him that he is making ALL things new. And what the
Enemy meant for harm in their lives will be turned into God’s masterpiece of
redemption. There are times when my
heart feels like it may be completely crushed under the weight of this pain
that they have to feel, but God’s grace pulls these burdens from my hands and
takes them upon, Himself, yet again.
And where the Spirit of the Lord is…there is freedom. And we
get to see this too. We get to see four of God’s beloved little children decide
to put their hope in Him and make decisions to follow Him. [Prayers appreciated
for Norma, Sandra Lucia, Edwin and Cristofer as they begin to walk this out!] We
get to see the transformation in their hearts start to take root. Behaviors start
to change. Hearts start to be awakened to Hope, to Love, to Freedom.
Deep-rooted anger exchanged for joy. Where bad words and insults once reigned in
the mouths of these beloved ones, hugs and joy-filled smiles are becoming more
frequent! We have gotten to witness God’s physical healings for the community.
Tumors completely disappearing, hearing and eyesight restored, demons being
driven away, addictions and depression being replaced with freedom and joy. God
is moving!
And it is in these times that my heart rejoices and feels as
though it could explode with the realization of God’s tender, generous love and
compassion. God’s grace makes room for us to see these moments too. And I am
left in awe.
So this is where I am, regardless of the situation, always
in the palms of his mighty hands. Where else would one rather be? These beloved
kiddos have had very painful lives and it’s not fair. But at the same time, I
am reminded that they are, in some ways, blessed with such richness in getting
to see God’s love manifested around them at such a young age. They are already
witnessing and participating in healing people in their own community, feasting
on the Word of God, memorizing scripture after scripture, learning how to pray
over each other and declare life and God’s truths, and already starting to
recognize and walk in their unique spiritual gifts. They have been called to
the Wedding Feast and they are coming full of such vigorous hunger for the
things of God! While so many of us still continue to be satisfied with scavenging
around and filling up on the scraps that fall on the floor, they are starting
to recognize their place at the table and claiming their inheritance! I have
learned much from them in their child-like faith…that has had every opportunity
to be broken or crushed…but still continues to trust and believe that God
really means the things that he says! Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs
is the kingdom of heaven.
Let the little children come to me. They hold the keys to
the kingdom of God with a faith that inspires all of us who have ever been
broken and bruised with doubt to come and join in the Wedding banquet. God has
already prepared it and it is waiting for us!
