Who am I? Where I once would answer that "I'm a survivor"...I now have had my eyes open to a whole new revelation of who I am. In Christ. I am His. Where I once would take pride in being a survivor...I now have been made aware of the identity that I have placed in this label...and consequent maladaptive thinking attached and rooted within this identity. And it falls outside the realm of abundant living...it falls outside of my true identity as a daughter and servant of Christ. And for these reasons...I am moved to change. For I want nothing less than everything I can attain in Christ and for Christ. I do not want "me" negatively influencing others...bringing my defenses, and my self-preservation into ministry, affecting others in a way that does not bring the most glory to God's kingdom. I have seen it happen with others I've worked with in ministry; and I myself, at times, have responded the same. It is not pretty. It is not glorifying. It is actually counter-productive. God deserves better. Those around us deserve better...and we deserve better, ourselves. We deserve abundant life...well, actually i'm not sure if we "deserve" it...but God offers it unconditionally, and for that reason, we should pursue it! Why should we feel entitled to living as a victim...a survivor...anything that is not completely God-centered?
With the idea of survival comes many unGodly concepts that I have seen in myself: self-protection, untrusting, dependence on self, identification with brokenness, pursuing acceptance from others vs God, and I could prolly sit here and think of many more...but you get the point. My foundation of identity has not been fully centered in the truth of who God claims I am, as his. Because...I have been holding onto the idea that being a survivor is just who I am...I have not been taking hold of my whole inheritance...I have not been taking full responsibility of transforming the whole of my mind to line up accordingly to how Jesus sees me and who he calls me to be. This has only occurred to me within the last couple days and I'm not sure if I even realized that I was living with this discrepancy of beliefs in identity until now. This new revelation has been so freeing!!!!! I have seen God in a whole new light. Why he offers us stubborn people such grace-filled abundant living is beyond any words. I am blown away by being his. I am in awe and in love with a God I am obviously still learning so much about.
I don't have to self-protect...because God protects me. I don't have to distrust...because my trust is placed wholly in a God who never fails me...never disappoints...never abandons, rejects, disowns, never takes his love away. I don't have to depend on myself...my dependence is rooted in God. When he says he has my back...he means it. When he says he is proud of me...he doesn't take it back. I choose to identify, not with brokenness (although, lets face it, we all are)...but I choose to claim my inheritance of a restored and set free mentality. I don't need acceptance from others...I have a Father who accepts me...all of me. In pursuing such a foundation of identity that is rooted in Christ, satan is no longer able to work with unresolved roots of beliefs attached to holding merely a survivor identity. And the process of living this life in abundance of Christ is made even more a reality. You see life clearer...people's rejection, problems, conflict...they are brought into a light in which you can proceed objectively and with a better reflection of Christ's love versus our own defenses being at work. I think it's called freedom. And i'm feelin that! I know I have a lot more to learn...but thanks to all of those who have stood by me through my learning process! Let us continue to pursue all of who Christ is and all of who we are...as his.
