spit it right

you ready? ready 2 hold it steady? this life can get kinda heady. i'ma bout to plug it in...let the truth in life fill up to the brim.

Never blogged b4...not sure how long i will use this, but thought i'd try this space out. pre-warning advisory: Reading any content in this blog site may leave you exposed to a lil more reality than desired. Do not take in if already taking prescriptions of this world's lies as they will cause uncomfortable counter-effects.

Today: January 15, 2009.
I got fired from my job today. Instead of being pissed about the annoyance of the situation that could have been prevented, i was relieved. That's terrible huh. i hate responsibility...and yet...do enjoy having a steady flow of income in order to pay all my never-ceasing loans...gas for my car...and a roof over my head....not to mention my shoe-addiction. ugh. i feel as though i should be frieking out right bout now bout expenses...how i will make it in the next upcoming months when my savings becomes depleted...or how my 2 cute kittens will eat. BUT, i'm not. in fact...as i'm typing this i'm movin to the beat in Starbucks. yeah...Starbucks on 75th & Keystone has free wireless internet. these are things that an unemployed person needs to know. anyways...i guess i'm jus a lil confused with my own self. i know i'm somewhat of an irresponsible...definitely not practical...risk-taking kind of person, but i feel as though getting fired from a job should be more dramatic and hurtful to a person's life...at least their day? I was wondering if something was a lil off with me....ha....ok, maybe i already know that...but then i was thinkin and came up with an answer to the perplexity of my lack of friek-out-ness. In comparison to what i have encountered within my 25 years of living...getting fired is really not a real frightening deal. i guess i measure life according to a scale sometimes and this may be why it is hard for me to differentiate between what i consider a "boulder" and a "napsack" problem...referring to what i am learning in my small group boundary book. I prolly have alot of problems that could be considered "boulders" to most, but i unconsciously place them in my napsack for JUST me to deal with. an everyday occurrence. This is also prolly why i can wear myself out at times. my napsack gets pretty dang heavy some days and i have trouble accepting help in the load. i'm prideful? i know i'm untrusting at least. and i have great difficulty letting others in. at least...completely in. causing me to have difficulty even letting Jesus in. even though he sees IN...to the deepest parts of me he has already seen in. He won't touch me with his healing hand of love, though, until i am able to let him. Isn't free will fun? i am my own obstacle at this point in my life. funny how i can go from commenting on a lost job to the subject of free will. told ya these writing needed warning.