Peter-Like Transformation:

so we've been spending sum time in praise n worship to go over the gifts of the Holy Spirit, and this week we focused on gentleness. Sometimes i think that my general and overall demeanor is for the most part gentle...but now n then...and when the "then" is too often the "now"...i feel like i could explode with impulsive aggression. Appearantly Peter had this problem as well in his beginning stages of walking out his faith. In the Garden of Gethsemene (sp?)...while he was sposed to be praying it up, he was interrupted by the high priests coming to convict Jesus. Peter pulls out this knife that i guess he just keeps on him for praying purposes??...and wacks off the ear of the high priest's slave. thats sum pretty intense impulsivity n aggression.

So Jesus rebukes him and all...and then later on, when Peter is writing it up in the New Testament...he encourages us to take a gentle and Christ-like approach to our anger. I think he had sum time in-between writings to work on this character quality...but i just thought it was cool to see the vast transformation get painted out by the Master Artist. Gentleness. Gentle anger. And this term does not mean weak or passive anger...i think gentleness has been given a bad name by western society that values conquere thru force and standing for your rights at any and every cost. the cost of character...the cost of morality...the cost of your entire soul. Gentle anger involves fighting with dignity and with Christ as our guide.

This is the process of extreme transformation that i seek for my own life as a follower of God. A life lived BY FAITH. BY EXPERIENCE. BELIEF=BYLIFE. My worst fear: To become complacent...stuck in my---self. I seriously have nothing to live for in and of myself. Its brokenness. Its a tangled web of confusion and lack of true identity...fear...hopelessness. Its death. I don't know how many times i pray to God to save me from my self. I am my worst enemy at this point in my life. Belief is a choice. Its a choice for me to get up every day and choose to live in freedom...to choose life and not death. to choose my identity, my destiny...hope. I get to choose to either fall back or move forward each day. This realization of the urgency of need to take authority in who I am in Christ is kinda overwhelming...but sobering at the same time. I have a choice! sometimes i forget this. Actually i forget this alot. But everyday...haha...everyday i choose, i hammer the nail in that much more:) And since this life is such a process....one day maybe that nail will be cemented in all the way. And i'll be able to tackle the next one...and the next...constantly improving my foundation, and opening the door to freedom that much more.

Thank you, God, for being so patient with me.