The Forward Cost:

So...i had more to add on the thoughts of the last blog post, but i didn't wanna risk overloadage. this way you can read in parts lol.

But i was thinkin...on how the concept of sacrifice and cost apply to my life at the moment. And i'm sure there are multiple ways i can paint ya a picture on how these two concepts are shaping and stretching me, but i have a few specifics that i wanna expose, at the moment, that have been on my mind.

The cost of identity. The cost of choosing. The cost of sacrificing myself...my pride...my independency...aspects that i have held closely...more like in a vice-tight grip all of my life. Shaping the way i think...feel...perceive...believe...react...live. To get close up n personal witchu...the cost for me right now is shedding the painful layers of faulty thinking that i have collected as scar tissue over the years...those layers of my being that i have incorporated into my identity...its a painful process of sanctification and becoming Christ-like. You are basically dying...its a no wonder that it hurts. You cannot gain Christ without dying first to yourself. Its impossible...believe me...i've tried.

I had integrated all of these lies and faulty ways of thinking and believing into my very core of self. Sorry, God...you are having to do sum deep-rooted surgery at times! And i'ma be honest. It sucks letting go. Its not a giving up...its a giving over. Its a loss of control...its a loss of seeing...its a loss of self. But its the gain of life. life lived in abundance...in the true identity that Christ created for us. Everyday it is a choice...a fight...to live in truth. To discard lies and my long-held to ways of thinking and believing...and violently throwing them at the feet of my Savior because i choose not to accept them any longer. I CHOOSE to transform and continually baptize not only my my heart over to God...but also my head and how or what I think. Will i continue to entertain the devil? or will i embrace truth...my freely given, fought for, and costly identity and inheritance as a pure, smart, capable and REDEEMED daughter of the King? Sometimes i feel like i really don't have a choice...like there is no way i cannot not choose these truths because it is life or death for me. Do i want death? Or do i want life? Its really that dramatic...its that vital to realize what we are truly choosing. sometimes for me it is really that deliberate as well lol.

It is a choice to remain stuck...or to move forward...to grow. No matter how minute the steps forward are...as long as progress is seen, it is growth. it is the choice of life. And it is absolutely necessary to recognize the progress. This is when looking back highlights your progression forward and helps you recognize growth and the whole of the ever-constant process. Aren't processes fun?! lol. Sometimes it is essential for us to make the choice even when we "aren't feeling it"---i have found that it is key for me to deliberately walk and talk in the opposite direction when a lie is uncovered and recognized. Something so intricate about our brains in that speaking things out...whether it be a lie or a truth...it is made more real...it is then that much more embedded and attached to our identit and self-concept...and is that much more able to influence our consequent thinking, feeling, and behaving. straight up Cognitive-Behavioral business! It is urgent for us to embrace our God-given identities and inheritances. we will not impact this world to our highest potentials if we choose to live in mediocrity of lies and half-truths. Choose life.