Keepin It Real

I'm quick to break it down for you my current situation in terms of "what's going on" around me...but i realized this week that its harder for me to let people know how those things are affecting me. It's a matter of admittance. I know what I think the appropriate "Christian" answer should be, but some of me is still struggling to get on board with that conclusion. It is even harder for me, I realized, to admit my struggling to God. In trying to be "good"...I was not being real with a Father that knows every depth of me anyway. Since leaving YWAM LA, I have encountered many obstacles that I, being an extreme idealist, did not expect lol. My car died...3 times. I am still unemployed after a month of being home. I am broke. My school loans and transcripts were frustrating beyond words. And while through much of my time here, I have honestly been very at peace knowing that I am where I should be...and more so than not, clinging to the faithfulness I now know that is my God, there are still times in which I become extremely discouraged. It has been in this discouragement that I have learned a very important aspect of God. He already knows...and He still loves me, and more than that, he desires me to be real with him in and through these darkest moments. That is a true friend. One that I can trust with ALL of me...good and not always so good! It was not until I admitted these feelings to God and hashed it all out with him, that I could stand even firmer on the truth of who he is and his promises. I don't have it all together, I don't think I ever will. And I kinda hope I don't, because then I would be missing that great need for a Lord that is so greater than myself. It is so refreshing to get real with God. And I'm sure it is even more refreshing to him.