I could throw down a million n one reasons not to trust, period. But the thing is, i think we are called to risk, and maybe at some point the risk will prove worth it. I have, however, compiled a few tips along the way...
1. Trust. If someone is trying to convince you to trust them right away...or even at all, take it in as a red flag. assurance and convincing, in my point of view, is not necessary; actions should prove themselves. It is manipulative...specially if knowing pertinent past experiences. It is a quite bold statement to say "you can trust me with your life"...and in saying this i believe there is a deeper need trying to be fulfilled within that person. An, "I need you to need me" type of wounded thinking. Basically...it is selfish. Eliciting trust while quoting scripture references is also manipulative. Point is this: you should feel like you can take your time trusting someone, and letting them prove to you that they deserve your trust...or can handle being trusted.
2. Money. If someone is constantly referring to the amount of money you have while at the same time referencing their lack of...and the stress and hardship that the financial situation is having on their relationship with God...there is your second flag. When the person says you should give money to............ or.............. its time to keep your God provision stories to yourself.
3. Dependent Relationships. Tip number 3...if you have witnessed someone habitually entering into extremely unhealthy friendships/relationships in order to "disciple hard-out"...start asking questions. Sorry...this is the farthest thing from good discipleship. you, at no point whatsoever, should ever be made dependent on a single person. Good intentions or not...it is not healthy or helpful. This person has an extreme "savior" complex and will get his/her needs met more than help you in your own walk with God. This person hoards all of your information, past hurts, present struggles...and will lord over you. Another angle to this point: If he/she is constantly complaining only to you about not feeling supported, regardless of how much you have tried to be supportive. That person is relying on you way too much. one person should not be made to feel responsible for someone else' support...nor should someone need to be told constantly that they are supported. It implies a lack of trust from their end. A lack of trust coupled with high demands is dangerous and nothing you do will ever be enough.
4. Incongruity. Spiritual manipulation also occurs when someone is quick and deliberate to preach truth...quote scriptures...state his/her passion for various Godly truths, while actively walking in the opposite way personally. "you should" statements...while the same statements don't seem to run very deeply within the proclaimer. Or...truth telling is a one-way street, where he/she speaks truth to you but you are not to speak truth back. dangerous combination.
I've concluded that working with Christians...within "Christian ministry" is HARD!!! maybe because i was naive in my expectations for Christ-followers. Everyone brings their wounds to the table, Christian or not. The keys are humility and grace...and boundaries. I don't think its wrong, however, to regard your trust as a gift and to discern with careful attention as to who to give it all out to. Thank you, God, that you are more than worthy of ALL of our trust.
