My Child

My child, I see you. Tendrils matted to your sweaty, tear-stained cheek.  Where the salty streaks tell of pain embedded deep.  Within you, I see.  I see the dreams that invade your memories with not-so-subtle lies that the Enemy tries to bind and keep.  The injustices that line your sleep.  I see the look of shame as you're reminded of atrocities that tried to overcome you but I held them off and kept you strong.  The dark shadows that pranced across the walls of your mind, but it was your heart that has always been mine.  And it's the heart that sets the pace for the mind, so I sowed within you the foundation of truth.  The truth that you're mine.

My child, I see you.  I see how my dreams for you have become intwined in yours.  How my will for your life is quick to your lips and the injustices of this life have equipped you for battle.  I see the look of awe as you realize it's me who's holding your hand, as we paint hope across the walls of those still standing still, ready to drop their chains.  To embrace me wholeheartedly, you have, not timidly as before but now more of a hug that refuses to tread lightly.  For this walk that we've been on is anything but ephemeral.  My child, we have eternity.

And it is there, also, that I see you--the future, yes, but for me it runs together.  I see you, my child.  In my arms, I hold you secure, as we laugh and travel the New Jerusalem.  And I love causing you to grin, as I show you the sharks and with them, how to swim.  Oh and the lions, (I'm partial to the lions!), we laugh and point as we watch them embark, side by side with the lamb, not frightened.  And this is my kingdom, and you are my child!

My child.  I like saying this.  And please don't be so quick, to loosen your grip on my hand when you can't see the plan.  When pain overtakes you and you have trouble seeing to tomorrow.  I ask you one thing.  To look up.  For I am here.  Squeeze my hand and trust me because I am here and I see you. Open your eyes, and see Me.  Forever mine.  Forever free.

Pro-Life: Holistic Integrity

Given the recent presidential elections and debates, I have been thinking about the biblical stance on "Pro-Life", and how many well-meaning Christ-followers often stop short of supporting a holistic ideal of abundant life. Don't get me wrong, I am very much against abortion, but in claiming to be "pro-life" i also am required to look into all that this belief entails, meaning: Anti-death penalty, anti-war and violence, pro-health care, pro-foster care, pro-services for teenage mothers, pro-empowering those in poverty...pro-restortation of life.

We often, as Christ-followers, are very quick to title and categorize what we are "against" versus what we are "for", and often only go as far as protesting versus allowing our values to intertwine into the fabrics of our everyday lives. We hold firm beliefs but really would rather them stay as beliefs and not mess up our lives too badly and keep us in a comfortable box of checklist commandments. In other words, we kind of skip over the whole integrity value. We claim "pro-life" but really don't open our homes up for kids or pregnant mothers, get our hands dirty, or enter into the messiness of life. we are fine to tell others what we think they should do and judge their decisions, but quick to put up walls in supporting them in making right decisions and walking them through actual life.

Claiming "pro-life" does not and should not stop once the child is born! Abundant life. This is what Christ has allowed for: "I have come to give life and life abundantly" John 10:10. Does this not also include issues of healthcare and war...death penalty and poverty?? Who are we to judge? Who are we to throw the first stone? Restoration of life. Given the great mercy of our Father God, and the intense grace of our Savior Jesus, should we not be called to restorative justice as well? How can we say "You should be punished with death for killing someone?" Seems like an oxymoron to me. I wonder how many Pauls and Davids we have committed to death for the penalties of their murderous sins? How many times we have declared war on those who have enticed or reacted with war, themselves.

Where do we draw the line in the sand? Where do we throw down the "abortion is murder" signs and pick up a life of integrity...living out what we truly believe and promoting abundant life to the fullest? Let us take example from Jesus and enter into the mess. Then, and only then, is where our words will be valid...our beliefs restorative and our integrity holistic.

Upside Down Reformation of Loving Our Neighbor

I have to make a confession. I have not done such a great job of loving Christ's bride, the church.  Insomuch, that i have been very critical of the American church today, without remaining a part of it in order to help promote change and rebirth. I have committed hypocrisy. For, in reality, we are all hypocrites, right? The question remains, then, how can we rebuild what is hypocritical in our lives, in the church, in the world around us, so that we do not remain blind and a poor reflection on the heart of the God who we so desire to represent? How do we become honest and transparent vessels of change within ourselves first, and then within the system of Christianity that is flatlining in a world so desperate to know love?

Conversion. Complete conversion of the heart, mind, and mindset. Erasing the separation between "church and state" or "church and lifestyle".  Acting on our preaching...taking action on our very prayers. Forget about handing off the problems of society to the hands of political parties. Society...community...these are the church's concern, not the government's. It's not about pushing policies into law or voting for Blue or Red. Change starts within our own lives and ignites other individuals and communities--churches and neighborhoods. On this election day, i had the thought, "i'm voting Republican for government and desiring the church to start thinking democratically" (to a sense).

For example, I don't believe it should be the role of government to enable or even provide for the economic security of the poor by taking money from the wealthy; however, I do believe that if we really understood Jesus' heart, the government wouldn't have to if we, as Christians, not out of guilt or obligation, but rather---LOVE---provided for the needs of the poor, took care of widows, women, children, the sick, those in need. Christianity must serve to become more than a belief. It must become action. Our thinking, our hearts, and yes, even our view on money, need to be reborn and reformed back into the ideals that the early church pursued.

To love our neighbors. To give the coat off our back. To not store up for ourselves treasures in the here and now, but to think heavenly. Dependent on our Father for our "daily bread"...our daily needs to be met! We wonder why we don't see miracles. Perhaps its because we don't need....we aren't in need for God to show up! So we turn to our stockpile of money saved up and our treasures of a 50" flatscreen or our Mercedes-Benz to get us through our day, while all the while we are declaring "justice for all!" and "Bless America!". "God, bless me with this..." instead of how can my life be a blessing to others and God, himself.  How do we become a church body that cares for and loves our neighbors at the very core of our faith belies, including: healthcare, economics, hospitality, servanthood, militarism, peace, humility, emotionality, spirituality?

Church, as we know it today, is broken and bleeding. Our mindsets, our hearts, and our paychecks are not always reflecting Jesus' heart. Does that mean we abandon the church? I'm being convicted that this is not the answer. Who am I to think that i am no less of a hypocrite than the church? No less at fault? Who am I to think i can or should do this faith living without community or the bride of Christ? We need the church and the church needs reformational thinking...to be revived--In love and truth. I don't want to be that seed that gets uprooted or tossed about due to not taking root or being secured in foundation of community and accountability. How do I love my neighbor? How do you love your neighbor? How do we as a church better represent the Bride of Christ to our neighbors in every aspect of everyday living? Let's start asking these questions and working together in unity towards reformation and revival of the very heart of our saving grace, Jesus!!

Transformation: Life As A Process

When i was younger, i was extremely shy, couldn't look people in the eye, barely talked, and when i did risk a few words, those treacherous "r's" came out more as "w's" and the more i tried to change it the worse it stuck.  I fantasized often that i was someone else, in a different world, one where i was perfect...happy. Funny thing about perfectionism...actually about the process of transformation, and that is, it doesn't just stop. There is no final destination or achieved end point where any of us can say, "I've made it...I've reached it" that point where we can sit back and become comfortable couch cushions, that is, until we finish out our time here on earth.

This thing we call life, it is but a fleeting moment in the scope of eternity. As i ponder this, i am reminded how vital it is to remain in reality, within the moment of the process in order to continue being transformed into the likeness of our King. We have no time for time-outs or energy aimed at eluding present struggles if we are to move forward. It is urgent for the advancement of the Kingdom for us to engage in disarming and throwing off every hindrance that gets in our way.  If we are not able to identify points of personal struggle, than perhaps that is where we are suffering---deception. Because struggle is everywhere. Especially once we profess faith in God. "For the world will hate you, but count it as blessing for they once hated me". Okay, that was paraphrased, but you know the verse, you've read it, right?

Continuous transformation throughout the struggles of this life can only be achieved through constant connection and with The Vine. We are branches of the Vine that provides nutrients to survive on...to go beyond survival to thriving to growing wildly. It requires pruning. Discipline. Open eyes to what God is revealing and open ears to hear him whispering his never-ending love to us. The Vine believes in us...thus, he flows his life through us. Transformation--being so filled with The Vine, that one would not know where the branch ends. That is a mustard seed movement...such individual nurturance and love that the seed touches one to spread a wildfire movement of Love.

Connection. Meditation. Constant fellowship. Continuous recognition of Christ's presence within us. That is miraculous transformation. That is God's love movement in this world. So personal. Such sustainable live giving and receiving. Let us breathe forth life, lived out of staying rooted to our source of this very Life, itself. Let us not stay as we were when we were young, envisioning a different here and now or perfect fairy tale world, but take advantage of our present reality of struggles and grow towards Christ, like a plant to the sun. revival begins with one heart touching another.

To Be Loved. To Be Known.

What is it that drives the desires of our hearts? I believe it is universally parallel: To be loved and known. Is this not our fundamental human need? Who is the Author who built this need into the core of our souls? Could it be that the God who created each one of us...who planted such needs to be grown and tended to within our beings...this God who so longs for our communion and our relationship; could it be that he has the same heart desires? To be loved and to be known.

God intricately and precisely designed us to need. To need others. To need him. To need relationship. Without it, we are left to fight a war ill-equipped. Jumping hurdles and going into battles, disabled. The Artist defines beautiful. Engineers the concept of wholeness within the interconnected relationship of the Trinity. Fully loved. Fully known.

In a culture which depicts strength as individuality and independence...a "dog eats dog" and Darwinistic "survival of the fittest" value, we are called...no, we are designed, to embrace our intrinsic need to be interdependent within relationship. We are designed to need!

Personally, having the feeling of needing someone, admittedly causes me to feel weak. But is this not the point? For the Scripture actually equates our "weakness" to being equipped with the strength of our Lord. When we need, God is able to offer himself. That is relationship. It is within this relationship that we are truly able to experience Love and to know more of God. Our faith walk. What a privilege we have to be able to long for, experience, and to be longed for--from the very heart of Jesus. Who are we that we would influence the heartbeat of God, himself?---We are his---

Out of The Mouth, Flows The Heart

Speak Life. 


Out of the mouth, flows the motivations of the heart...


Matthew 15:11
"What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.” 

Words.  Jesus seems to put a lot of emphasis on their importance. Why? Because, just like actions, words tell a story...a story defining our beliefs...outlining our representation of the very heart of Jesus. In a generation that finds pride and entitlement in our "freedom of speech" and "speaking our minds"...or even turning our backs on words all together, claiming that words are "useless...it is only our actions that are of importance". Nah. It's both. We can choose to either speak life or death into ourselves, others and the world around us.

If we fail to realize the great importance of speaking forth Life, then we limit and contaminate Jesus' own heart. I realize that this is a pretty bold statement, but I am convinced that we are cutting our faith walks short of experiencing the fullness of Fruit. I recognize that not everyone holds the desire or the same amounts of the spiritual gifts of evangelism or encouragement; however, I also believe that we use this fact as an excuse for exercising our responsibility to call forth Life in ourselves and others. We act out of fear. Our humanity. We, again, box up Jesus into what is comfortable for us. Beloved, let us not allow our eyes to be veiled and deceived in this way!

In addition, Jesus links our words to our spiritual, physical and mental health. Why? Because he made the totality of our person as an interconnection, not as separate and compartmentalized systems. Reading through Proverbs, it emphasizes the correlation of our health...our "hearts and minds" as being influenced by one another. It links "hurting bones to lack of praising" and a "hurting heart" to depression and anxiety. If we are allowing death to flow from our mouths...complaining, gossip, negativity,  discouragement, disbelief, lies...we are affecting not only others, but ourselves in an amount of negativity that we are unaware of. If the motivations of our heart are spoken forth from our mouths, then perhaps what we allow our mouths to speak out, will act to reshapen our motivations. A theory of working backwards. Working our faith out...through heart, mind and soul. Have you ever noticed how when you choose to praise Jesus when you are least "feeling like it"...you act to improve your attitude...strengthen your faith and belief...and glorify the heart of Jesus as a result?

I will be the first to admit that it is often a struggle for me to claim Life. To choose praise...to choose Jesus in my words...my mind or heart. Sometimes it is chemical, sometimes situational, sometimes...i'm just not taking care of myself. whichever the reason...death knocks on the door of our lives in some way...to some degree...and in some form or another. Some of my poisonous thoughts include "I'm such a failure", or "What difference am i really making?"..."I'm stupid...worthless..." the list goes on longer than i'm proud of. Are these words of Life??! Um...not so much! These words don't just fill the air...they shape my very beliefs...my thoughts, and ultimately impact my actions. Not very glorifying to a Christ that gave his very life for this heart. When i choose praise...when i choose to remold my disbelieving thoughts or words into the very mold of Jesus' heart...then i make room for the impossible. For others to see Jesus, not me. 

Lets not stay boxed to our "personalities" or our "human nature"...for that is what we will remain stuck in...US...our humanity. A lack of walking into the fullness of our inheritance and promises. It is the motivation of our God's heart, for us to fully know him. to fully experience HIM...not us. Let us speak forth Him...Life...and close the door on more of our own disbelief--slam the door on death. Out of the mouth...can flow the heart of Jesus, because he is within us.

Glory At Our Fingertips

Whew! This journey of faith is quite the process, right?! Picture it as a long distance road trip. Upon starting out, you are so hyped to be starting out and so excited to "get there"...and then a few hours into it (or for me, more like 15 min), you start to feel it. The ancy-ness, the boredom, the fights with your sisters (because you a ref squished together), the realization that this is going to take A LOT longer than what you had envisioned in your mind! The only way to get through the trip is to find the joy in the midst of the journey. That ever so present gift of Joy within our faith forms together with Hope in securing our foundation; equipping us for the process of a faith-filled walking out of our inheritance every step along the way--through every test, roadblock, detour or seemingly never-ending same road.

In Matthew, Jesus lays claim to Simon, renamed Peter, and the security of his faith foundation. He identifies Peter's foundation of faith with being "a rock". Immovable. Steadfast. Enduring. Jesus knew Peter. He knew Peter was his disciple who would deny him repeatedly out of fear. Jesus knew Peter would also revert to fear on the water, walking towards Jesus, the Savior of the world, who had already displayed to him miracle after miracle. Jesus knew Peter's impulsive tendencies. And still, he names him  "a rock"; a steadfast, immovable faith is attributed to one of the most impulsive of the disciples. Why? Because Jesus knew him. He knew all of him. He knew Peter's heart. His motivations. His passionate determination and love for his Master. He identified Peter as he is...as he is through the complete power of Jesus. He is who makes us whole. It is he who calls and marks us as righteous...as perfect...as his sons and daughters. And he sees and knows all of us. He calls forth greatness, great men and women of honor that are capable of the inconceivable---through HIM.

It is us, who stop short. It is our disbelief or disillusions that cause us to remain close to our starting points. As babes still needing and relying on milk, not meat. We don't grow up because we don't think we are capable or worthy or...the list goes on and on. The Enemy's greatest accomplishment is infiltrating our minds and hearts with deception. Deceiving us to belief that we are inadequate even as Christ-followers. And we too easily agree with him. Our beliefs will affect our thoughts...going further to determine our actions. Jesus states in Matthew "If you embrace this kingdom life and don't doubt God, you'll not only do minor feats like i did to the fig tree, but also triumph over huge obstacles...Absolutely everything, ranging from small to large, as you make it a part of your believing prayer, gets included as you lay hold of God" (Matt. 21:21-22).

Let us lay hold of ALL that God is. May we not confine him to our disbelief, or cynicism, or wounded view of who he is. May we dig deep within our hearts and minds to pry out that which does not belong, and replace it with truth...with who God claims and defines us as. It is then, and only then, that we will have our eyes opened to all of God. Upon our full embrace, the fullness of God will be capable of being seen. And he is so anxious to show himself to us!!! He is eagerly displaying himself in all of his glory to those "Peters", who are passionately grasping for truth, believing, and ready to open their eyes. Open your eyes and start seeing, feeling and knowing the truest joy that can be ours along our journeys! That is the hope that we have today. That is our inheritance...Glory at our fingertips, as we hold his hand through it all.

A Desperate Heart

We are not of this world. And yet, we must live in it. If you have tasted and seen the glory of God, this simple fact of being a foreigner will leave you absolutely longing for more. More of God's glory. More of his Kingdom. More of Him!

The challenge for me is to see him in the mundane. For the mundane is part of this life, regardless if we enjoy it or not. We can't just decide to stop buying groceries or filling up the car with gas or whatever it is that we have to make a routine habit of. It simply is apart of this life. Too much of it, I must admit, can easily depress me. I have great difficulty living in the "now" the "present", and too often am focusing and yearning for tomorrow...envisioning and dreaming about the future and what could be or what could happen. It's apart of who I am, that, if trained well, can serve as a strength...but often steals my joy right out from under me if i'm not careful. Yes, God is our God of the past, and the future, but it is the now that we are able to experience him. And is this not what we truly long for? To experience him as much as we are able? If you have gotten to know him at all, you will agree.

For to truly experience Christ, even in the tiniest way...will leave you desperately longing for more. Not  more sermons, not more songs, nor empty words and promises...not more religion or rules or even works for God---more of God himself. The God of the heavens and earth, colliding amidst your very life- producing change---fruit---insight---touching us, in the wholeness of who we are, within our mess and our imperfection. The touch of Love, himself. peeling back another layer of the cloud in which we see through, and opening our eyes to more.

------------"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us! But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly." --1 Cor 13:12-13.--------------


We, obviously, will have to wait until heaven to see and know our Father in his complete fullness; but while we are living on the training ground where he has us, we can enter into the more of who he is everyday that we wake up, breathing his breath. The more we trust steadily...the more we hope unswervingly...and love extravagantly...the closer glimpse we get to the fullness of Christ. This is the longing that has been anchored in our hearts, and full-out pursuance of this completeness is the only way to soothe the desperate heart. 

No Limit Love

I am so often blown away by the limitless love that Jesus holds.
And then i am reminded of how essentially necessary it is for me to be continually filled with his love, and not my own. Reading through the OT books, filled with corrupt kings, idol-worshipping, betrayal of God time and time again, and even with having miracles performed moments before right in front of their eyes! And yet God does not hesitate to welcome them back into his arms.

The story of Peter's screw-ups in his triple denials of Jesus in his darkest hour of need. The next time Peter  is reunited with his Savior whom he betrayed he is in a boat and Jesus appears on the shore. Peter recognizes him and with his ever impulsive yet passionate spirit, he leaps out of the boat and with everything in him, finds his way to shore...to the foot of Jesus...and Jesus embraces Peter.  He embraces his betrayer. And if i had to guess, i would say that Jesus had no thought of Peter's betrayal on his mind during that reunion hug. I would guess that there was no room for anything other than amazing love for him.

And this one hit me this week: I was fighting impatience and discouragement with one of my kiddos who was refusing to come into my room for therapy. I was reminded to pray. And as i started praying, i was overwhelmed with the feeling...prolly just a hint...of the crazy love that Jesus has for this life.  Overwhelming and overflowing straight up love. No conditions. No, "i'll love her when she gets her act together" (like sometimes i wonder if he thinks about me). No rules. No formulas. He just loves. Right where we are...he just loves.  Why? Why does he love such broken people? We can't wrap our minds around the why, because the answer is in his love and we don't yet fully know the depth of his love. This is why we need to ask him for it. Everyday, with everyone, and in every situation...we must lean not on ourselves, but on him.

Oh yeah...one last thought. The guy hanging on the cross next to Jesus.  The one that asked Jesus to remember him in paradise. Ok, picture this: Here is Jesus...hanging there...dying an excruciatingly painful and unjustified death and the guy beside him asks for a favor...he asks for a pardon. A guy, remember, who's crucifixion is justified, from most likely some very horrific acts committed. Does Jesus reply "Name your sins and everything you need forgiven for, first?" Does he point out every horrific crime he committed and every way he is not deserving of being forgiven? Nope. He simply replies "Because you believed, you will be with me in paradise". That's it?! No life-long striving after holiness...this guy didn't leave behind prolly much of anything good! And he is granted salvation. Just like that. What kind of love cares so much for a heart that it can throw away conditions and rules?? Only Jesus' kind of love. And that's what turns hearts around. That kind of love, forgives all betrayal and soothes all guilt and shame in one loving embrace. That kind of love, offers undeserved salvation, offers unconditional love to the worst of the worst. This is the love that we need in order to bring his kingdom to this broken world.

together we stand; divided we fall

Church. The idea of what "church" is today has caused controversy and division among the very people that are meant to be united in Truth. How is this? We have allowed Satan to break the spirit of unity among us, that's how. We have succumbed to the "letter of the law" instead of the freedom that comes with God's Spirit of the law. We have turned Christ following into denomination following, holding fast to a gang mentality of turf wars that only serve to keep us all from experiencing the fullness of Christ that exists only in parts within differing denominations. Some churches are specifically "Spirit led", but i dare to question the quality of the teaching of the Word? Another church is very "missions-focused", but what is the mission within our own communities? Others value reverence and doctrine, but where is the Spirit??! We are passionate about only parts of God, while missing the whole of himself, thus, cheapening Christianity and limiting God's power and reach within our hearts, our cities, and our world.

That is if we are passionate at all. Sometimes i get the feeling, walking into varying churches, that it is all about the entertainment or the image of a particular organization or institution, rather than it being all about God, himself. "Look at us!", "Come to our church!"…it has the flashy lights and the most charismatic pastor! He speaks such truth from the pulpit…but how does it get acted out? Where is the fruit of those provocative and fluently spoken words? Where is the church outside of the building?? On the days of the week other than Sunday?? Where is the Body of believers…all of the parts of the body, the evangelists, the pastors, the disciples and apostles, the servants and prophets? We are quite the disheveled and broken body if we are not all acting in unison.

Why must we divide and "be right"?! We are such narrow-thinkers. Why? Because we are afraid. We fear that which we are unfamiliar with. Those truths that will expand our tightly built boxes of perception and ideals. We remain bound to the limitations of our minds and miss out on true living. Abundant living. We search for the miracles of Christ in this day, and plead with God to show us all of who he is. His glory unlimited. We speak this out, then return to the mud. Hello?! He longs to show us all of himself!!! But we are getting in the way. We limit. We diminish. Then we blame it on someone or something else…dare we even blame it on God himself?

Who is God to you? Is he a mindset? A theory? A set of rules or regulations? Is he merely a belief or is he a way to abundantly live through and within this life? Who is he to you…who is he as your Savior, a Father, a Friend? Do you know him as he was...as fully human and fully God? How bout as a Holy Spirit? Do you know him in the deepest and darkest times, or just when life is going all good? Or is it the opposite for you…is he beautiful and real in the pain, but when things are smooth and painless…do you feel and know him then? Are we asking ourselves these hard questions, or are we just passing through the motions of life and religion?

God longs for ALL of us. Our hearts should long for the ALL of God. If our hearts do not long for this, then we are in danger. We are in such danger!!! For a lukewarm living is worse to God than not knowing him at all. He despises mediocrity…and rightfully so, because he is everything but mediocrity. This is not God. Let us examine the fruit of our beliefs. The gifts of his Spirit within us. Where are we lacking? Where we are missing is where we have so much more to learn of our Savior! For he IS freedom. And with his life within us, we have total and FULL access to these gifts. we are no longer "bound sinners" we are sons and daughters with an inheritance to the fullness of Life itself. Talk about responsibility! We are responsible in throwing off half-truths, throwing off lies, throwing off false humility and the idea that we are limited sinners on this earth. We have the power of Life living within us. WITHIN us!!! Do not limit him. It is far from glorifying the all of his who he is. Instead, may we be bold enough to embrace and diligently seek the unfamiliarity of the totality of Truth, himself. It is then, that we will stand tall with his power to speak life back into this world, with redemption that highlights the miracles of freedom that he longs to show the world. Let us stand united with one another, united under one God.