After writing "Part 1" my mind wouldn't sit still with the many more thoughts firing through my head.
I set the initial backdrop of the love story, the truth that our hearts are being battled for, and raised the question of whether or not we believed our God to be a good God, able to be trusted with our hearts. But i left out a key question. One that i have struggled with often. Am I worthy of being loved?
God says, yes, I am. God calls us worthy. He actually sees us as he created us: that of whole, holy, perfect and worthy. He not only names us worthy but he proves it to us. For what kind of god would sacrifice his only son to a people that he views as unworthy of his love? This is freaking me out a bit to even write, telling me that i have yet to fully grasp the fullness of His love for me. It's so scandalous!!!
I suppose it goes back to those wounding messages we are bombarded with or the lies that have infiltrated. "You are unloveable", "You're a screw-up", "Not even your most trusted friends could stick around", "You are unworthy of love". Okay, yes, these are rather blatant and often times the messages are more subtle, but tell me you haven't thought at least one of these thoughts on one occasion or another? A lot of Christian songs actually serve to further this message, dropping lyrics with the likes of identifying us as filthy sinners, pieces of nothingness. These are only partial truths. Yes, its true that we are nothing and we are sinners….apart from God…but God desires, so desperately, for us to see who we are…in God and with God in us.
What would happen if we grasped the truth that we have ALL of the living God within us…fighting for ALL of us--for our very hearts? I'm pretty certain the Scriptures proclaim that within God and God in us that we are made holy and perfect in his sight. True? What would happen if we believed that we are capable of being loved so fervently from the most Holy of Holies? Would our self-images change? Our outlooks on life? Our view of others? Our beliefs…thoughts…and behaviors?
The other day God whispered a love message to me: "You are beautiful, Kate". Honestly, it threw me off guard…I wasn't sure how to respond let alone, feel about this. That made me ask myself why. Why did this declaration of love make me feel rather defensive? Because it touched at a belief that i too often entertain, that I am unlovable. Not only that but it enlightened me to realize that God is a lover of my heart…that he pursues me because he loves me. He pursues our hearts, not in a "one time, now you're saved" kind of way…but in the way of relationship. An out-of-the-blue, "just because", gesture of his love for us. In Revelation, it talks about Jesus carving a "new name" in stone for each of us. A "new name"…a name reserved to be heard between a Lover and his beloved. We wait for not just any feast…upon that heavenly day…but the wedding feast. That. Is. Crazy. Love….in a way i've not quite thought of until now.
We have a choice. We have been given the freedom of choice to accept his love and to pursue him back. Its not always easy to accept His love, but we have already established that he is good and can be trusted. And furthermore, we are lovable--and while, not by any means deserving of his love, but freely given it. Remember that cross? The one he conquered sin and death on---that's how we freely receive it. Who are we to turn around and say that we are not lovable? That kinda seems like a slap in the face to a God who has done everything to show us otherwise.
He doesn't want half-hearted lovers or controlled and forced affection, he wants the untamed yet wholehearted desire from his children to love him back. The love story, as mentioned previously. Where perhaps we haven't been given a voice or a choice before in how our hearts have been handled or given to, now we do. Talk about his risk! It's not manipulative or demanding, It's not even conditional! And that is what makes it so refreshingly desirable.
I used to give my heart indiscriminately to anyone and everyone. Not often realizing that i had a choice and not giving a voice to how my heart was handled. In so doing, it would often get trampled on, thrown out, spit upon--in short…i held my heart out and said "Go ahead…do with it as you wish", not deeming it worthy enough to protect it. God says that heart is worthy of being protected. God says, "It's beautiful…you are beautiful, my darling…there is no flaw in you". Where his own heart has been trampled on, thrown out and literally spit upon...He still freely gives it, still battles for our heart, gives up everything for us, risks it all on us, and still he lets us choose…gives us a voice. Giving us complete freedom and with it, complete and whole healing.
A perfectly whole love, even with being hurt at his very core. Experiencing total betrayal of his own heart. Lucifer, the betrayer, a chosen angel created out of God's furious love. Israel, God's chosen people, betrayed continuously. Peter, apparently at the core circle of Jesus' friends, let in on more of God's glory and heart than some of the other disciples…totally betrayed him in the time that mattered most. And then he tries it all again…this giving of his trampled upon heart…to us. I can't say that we fared any better in loving Him, and he still gives himself to us, completely and in all wholeness. A love that is perfectly holy.
That is the fierce and unswervingly faithful love of our God. That is how much he says we are worth it. We are his beloved. Likened to that of "His bride". That is a God we can entrust our heart and our love with. He will never betray us. Never stop fighting for the redemption of our hearts nor stop dazzling and overwhelming us with his continual pursuance. We are fiercely loved. And the more we can center our minds and hearts around this truth, the more freedom, holiness and wholeness we will live into.
Enjoy this quote from Abba's Child, by Brennan Manning:
"It takes a profound conversion to accept that God is relentlessly tender and compassionate toward us just as we are--not in spite of our sins and faults (that would not be total acceptance), but with them."
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Monday, November 11, 2013
The Unveiling: Part 1: A Love Story
In each of our lives, at differing points in our histories, we can, without doubt, safely assume that we have been pierced with uniquely painful messages; messages that serve to further Satan's purposes and taint the reality of who we were made to be.
There are two differing messages…not all bad, and those truths that we are blessed enough to have fed to us early on prove to strengthen and equip us to deflect and withstand opposing messages. But the fact remains, that however poured into with truth a person starts off with, those poison arrows tend to find there way in at some point in our lives and infect the very core of our being-the base of our operating system. And admit it or not, it does affect us. If we are not conscious of the cuts made and the severing of those truth roots, then we walk around this life wounded--and wounding others at the same time.
Some are aware of their wounds some are not. Some are able to say that they've been wounded, but have no idea where those voracious messages seeped into their souls…how it has painted their personalities…and subsequently colored their view of the world they live in.
Perhaps we begin to walk with tunnel vision through this life. I admit that I often forget that this life is being battled out. We get stuck in our little stories and we miss the big picture. A picture and a reality of Good versus Evil. Yes, my heart and soul belong to my Savior, but that doesn't mean that Satan throws up his hands and erases his efforts at vying for position. He would love nothing less than to do great…(or small, for that matter)-damage to our identity as sons and daughters, princes and princesses of a King who so longingly desires us to see, know and live out our given inheritances of holy and wholly healed.
And so we continue to walk around in our little stories, unaware of who we really are or the bigger purpose for our current struggles, pain or life in general. We become satisfied with only seeing a fraction of truth--its safe. It may often suck, and be riddled with boredom, fatigue and hopelessness…but its safe! It's what we know, and that is comforting to us. So we replace the need for a Comforter with fake comforts. We forego the abundance of the narrow road because we can't see the process or the end…or we don't trust it.
If we don't trust either the process or the end…then it is time for us to start questioning our trust in our Shepherd. For the end has already been won! And our Shepherd…our Savior, Friend, Lover, Father and Comforter…HE IS GOOD! Do we really believe this? Or are we choosing our own hum drum stories to live into versus allowing ourselves to be enthralled with Love himself? Is is scary to feel your soul come alive…to acquire hope? To be loved by such a wild Lover?
It is often scary for me…but exceedingly more scary at the beginning. To feel hope, because it was once so unknown and I wasn't yet sure of the goodness of God. I wasn't certain that He could be trusted with the all of who I was. For some of us, we have learned to give over our trust of God in some areas of our lives, but we are holding out and hanging on to other parts of us…often with a vice grip. Maybe we should ask ourselves some hard, yet truth telling questions. Why is this? What is it that I fear letting go of?
Silence. This is what opened pandora's box for these questions to coming floating out, for me the other day. The house became silent. And I panicked. I'm one to always have music on…and i've reasoned with myself that because its now all music that teaches me more about God or allows me to praise him, that its okay---its good---that it is constantly flowing out of the computer speakers. I've reasoned this way because I've heard God asking me to turn it off! (This is a very minor example, but in a way, nothing is minor in this life that is governed by our very hearts and minds). So I had to ask myself these questions: Why? Why do I hate silence? Why would I rather be around people all day than spend a few minutes alone…by myself…with God? I've got my answers, and they aren't all pretty, but they are real and they are solid launching points of diving deeper into the heart of my Father.
And that is the goal. That is our purpose. To know God and who we are in Him…then we can live it out, not remaining locked in our own stories but in God's story--God's love story, where he is not just the Author of our lives but the Hero as well. A story in which we learn how to squelch the poison-tipped arrows of the Enemy and step out into our created identities. To make the return to The Garden where it first began. And the return to the hope that the fullness of that Garden awaits us at the end of that road that we, in all of our own efforts, squint our eyes trying to see.
Think about it, if we truly knew how scandalously and furiously we are loved by the Creator of the universe…how could we remain unchanged? That narrow road is not easy by any means. It is the hardest, most excruciatingly painful journey you could ever go on. Not encouraging? Oh but it is…because it is so worth it. We were not made to walk through this life comforted and made numb by temporary things of this world, because we were made for more. Our hearts were formed for the more. This is why we become depressed and tend to lose heart when we stop remembering God's love and faithfulness and who we are, because our very identity has been covered up.
It's time to uncover the veil. It's time to remember…to throw off all that hinders us-trace back the arrows and replace them with truth…truth that God is faithful and good. This is not a game of survival. You won't win by trying to negate hurt and pain. Take away those emotions and you take away all the good, you bury your heart and with it your soul, becoming someone that you were never intended to become. It's time to awaken our hearts that were made to beat wildly for a wild Lover.
There are two differing messages…not all bad, and those truths that we are blessed enough to have fed to us early on prove to strengthen and equip us to deflect and withstand opposing messages. But the fact remains, that however poured into with truth a person starts off with, those poison arrows tend to find there way in at some point in our lives and infect the very core of our being-the base of our operating system. And admit it or not, it does affect us. If we are not conscious of the cuts made and the severing of those truth roots, then we walk around this life wounded--and wounding others at the same time.
Some are aware of their wounds some are not. Some are able to say that they've been wounded, but have no idea where those voracious messages seeped into their souls…how it has painted their personalities…and subsequently colored their view of the world they live in.
Perhaps we begin to walk with tunnel vision through this life. I admit that I often forget that this life is being battled out. We get stuck in our little stories and we miss the big picture. A picture and a reality of Good versus Evil. Yes, my heart and soul belong to my Savior, but that doesn't mean that Satan throws up his hands and erases his efforts at vying for position. He would love nothing less than to do great…(or small, for that matter)-damage to our identity as sons and daughters, princes and princesses of a King who so longingly desires us to see, know and live out our given inheritances of holy and wholly healed.
And so we continue to walk around in our little stories, unaware of who we really are or the bigger purpose for our current struggles, pain or life in general. We become satisfied with only seeing a fraction of truth--its safe. It may often suck, and be riddled with boredom, fatigue and hopelessness…but its safe! It's what we know, and that is comforting to us. So we replace the need for a Comforter with fake comforts. We forego the abundance of the narrow road because we can't see the process or the end…or we don't trust it.
If we don't trust either the process or the end…then it is time for us to start questioning our trust in our Shepherd. For the end has already been won! And our Shepherd…our Savior, Friend, Lover, Father and Comforter…HE IS GOOD! Do we really believe this? Or are we choosing our own hum drum stories to live into versus allowing ourselves to be enthralled with Love himself? Is is scary to feel your soul come alive…to acquire hope? To be loved by such a wild Lover?
It is often scary for me…but exceedingly more scary at the beginning. To feel hope, because it was once so unknown and I wasn't yet sure of the goodness of God. I wasn't certain that He could be trusted with the all of who I was. For some of us, we have learned to give over our trust of God in some areas of our lives, but we are holding out and hanging on to other parts of us…often with a vice grip. Maybe we should ask ourselves some hard, yet truth telling questions. Why is this? What is it that I fear letting go of?
Silence. This is what opened pandora's box for these questions to coming floating out, for me the other day. The house became silent. And I panicked. I'm one to always have music on…and i've reasoned with myself that because its now all music that teaches me more about God or allows me to praise him, that its okay---its good---that it is constantly flowing out of the computer speakers. I've reasoned this way because I've heard God asking me to turn it off! (This is a very minor example, but in a way, nothing is minor in this life that is governed by our very hearts and minds). So I had to ask myself these questions: Why? Why do I hate silence? Why would I rather be around people all day than spend a few minutes alone…by myself…with God? I've got my answers, and they aren't all pretty, but they are real and they are solid launching points of diving deeper into the heart of my Father.
And that is the goal. That is our purpose. To know God and who we are in Him…then we can live it out, not remaining locked in our own stories but in God's story--God's love story, where he is not just the Author of our lives but the Hero as well. A story in which we learn how to squelch the poison-tipped arrows of the Enemy and step out into our created identities. To make the return to The Garden where it first began. And the return to the hope that the fullness of that Garden awaits us at the end of that road that we, in all of our own efforts, squint our eyes trying to see.
Think about it, if we truly knew how scandalously and furiously we are loved by the Creator of the universe…how could we remain unchanged? That narrow road is not easy by any means. It is the hardest, most excruciatingly painful journey you could ever go on. Not encouraging? Oh but it is…because it is so worth it. We were not made to walk through this life comforted and made numb by temporary things of this world, because we were made for more. Our hearts were formed for the more. This is why we become depressed and tend to lose heart when we stop remembering God's love and faithfulness and who we are, because our very identity has been covered up.
It's time to uncover the veil. It's time to remember…to throw off all that hinders us-trace back the arrows and replace them with truth…truth that God is faithful and good. This is not a game of survival. You won't win by trying to negate hurt and pain. Take away those emotions and you take away all the good, you bury your heart and with it your soul, becoming someone that you were never intended to become. It's time to awaken our hearts that were made to beat wildly for a wild Lover.
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