"The testing of your faith develops perserverence. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
James 1:4
Oh the process!! I've been feelin that more than ever the last week or so. Testing from all sides...lies pressing in...tryna dent my faith foundation...tryna cloud truth. And this morning i felt the breakthru. This morning i felt God saying, okay...Kate, where are you? You are my beloved. You are my chosen. You are not alone in this...I am making ALL things new. I am such a feeler that if i'm not feeling God's presence, tangibly...I feel the testing take hold of my mind. I am learning the vital importance of perserverance and and holding strong to my faith despite seeing. It is seriously a battle of the mind. And while satan might have won a battle or two in my mind this past week...he has not come close to winning the war of my life. I am stronger from this week...from the testing...from the battling. Same tactics...different outcomes. He think he can play this game with me but im learnin the strategy...I have a teammate that never loses lol. and he knows that...the thing ive realized is that i have to know this too...i have to believe this with ALL that i am or i am leaving my mind open to a dangerous opponent. The mind is a powerful thing. Thank you, Jesus, for continuing to equip it...sharpening me and caring enough to mold n polish me daily.
God is making my mind new each day. A true renewing of identity...mental transformation...into more of his likeness and truths. Not a bad deal. And he desires to make ALL things new...even while we are still aliens on this sin-ridden earth. Even amidst the pain, suffering, trials, tempations...the barriers of this world...he delights in transformation and COMPLETE redemption. walking in pure and whole truth and joy---today---He wants to inhabit us to the very depths of our soul so that we are able to walk in his fullness while we are physically separated from him. We have COMPLETE access to him. Now. Thru his Spirit. He loves us that much! He has equipped us this much...let us wrap ourselves in this truth continually so that we may envelope his likeness to the highest potential and regain the territories of lies that surround us for God's glory. May we walk faithfully with Kingdom identity and mentality.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
The Forward Cost:
So...i had more to add on the thoughts of the last blog post, but i didn't wanna risk overloadage. this way you can read in parts lol.
But i was thinkin...on how the concept of sacrifice and cost apply to my life at the moment. And i'm sure there are multiple ways i can paint ya a picture on how these two concepts are shaping and stretching me, but i have a few specifics that i wanna expose, at the moment, that have been on my mind.
The cost of identity. The cost of choosing. The cost of sacrificing myself...my pride...my independency...aspects that i have held closely...more like in a vice-tight grip all of my life. Shaping the way i think...feel...perceive...believe...react...live. To get close up n personal witchu...the cost for me right now is shedding the painful layers of faulty thinking that i have collected as scar tissue over the years...those layers of my being that i have incorporated into my identity...its a painful process of sanctification and becoming Christ-like. You are basically dying...its a no wonder that it hurts. You cannot gain Christ without dying first to yourself. Its impossible...believe me...i've tried.
I had integrated all of these lies and faulty ways of thinking and believing into my very core of self. Sorry, God...you are having to do sum deep-rooted surgery at times! And i'ma be honest. It sucks letting go. Its not a giving up...its a giving over. Its a loss of control...its a loss of seeing...its a loss of self. But its the gain of life. life lived in abundance...in the true identity that Christ created for us. Everyday it is a choice...a fight...to live in truth. To discard lies and my long-held to ways of thinking and believing...and violently throwing them at the feet of my Savior because i choose not to accept them any longer. I CHOOSE to transform and continually baptize not only my my heart over to God...but also my head and how or what I think. Will i continue to entertain the devil? or will i embrace truth...my freely given, fought for, and costly identity and inheritance as a pure, smart, capable and REDEEMED daughter of the King? Sometimes i feel like i really don't have a choice...like there is no way i cannot not choose these truths because it is life or death for me. Do i want death? Or do i want life? Its really that dramatic...its that vital to realize what we are truly choosing. sometimes for me it is really that deliberate as well lol.
It is a choice to remain stuck...or to move forward...to grow. No matter how minute the steps forward are...as long as progress is seen, it is growth. it is the choice of life. And it is absolutely necessary to recognize the progress. This is when looking back highlights your progression forward and helps you recognize growth and the whole of the ever-constant process. Aren't processes fun?! lol. Sometimes it is essential for us to make the choice even when we "aren't feeling it"---i have found that it is key for me to deliberately walk and talk in the opposite direction when a lie is uncovered and recognized. Something so intricate about our brains in that speaking things out...whether it be a lie or a truth...it is made more real...it is then that much more embedded and attached to our identit and self-concept...and is that much more able to influence our consequent thinking, feeling, and behaving. straight up Cognitive-Behavioral business! It is urgent for us to embrace our God-given identities and inheritances. we will not impact this world to our highest potentials if we choose to live in mediocrity of lies and half-truths. Choose life.
But i was thinkin...on how the concept of sacrifice and cost apply to my life at the moment. And i'm sure there are multiple ways i can paint ya a picture on how these two concepts are shaping and stretching me, but i have a few specifics that i wanna expose, at the moment, that have been on my mind.
The cost of identity. The cost of choosing. The cost of sacrificing myself...my pride...my independency...aspects that i have held closely...more like in a vice-tight grip all of my life. Shaping the way i think...feel...perceive...believe...react...live. To get close up n personal witchu...the cost for me right now is shedding the painful layers of faulty thinking that i have collected as scar tissue over the years...those layers of my being that i have incorporated into my identity...its a painful process of sanctification and becoming Christ-like. You are basically dying...its a no wonder that it hurts. You cannot gain Christ without dying first to yourself. Its impossible...believe me...i've tried.
I had integrated all of these lies and faulty ways of thinking and believing into my very core of self. Sorry, God...you are having to do sum deep-rooted surgery at times! And i'ma be honest. It sucks letting go. Its not a giving up...its a giving over. Its a loss of control...its a loss of seeing...its a loss of self. But its the gain of life. life lived in abundance...in the true identity that Christ created for us. Everyday it is a choice...a fight...to live in truth. To discard lies and my long-held to ways of thinking and believing...and violently throwing them at the feet of my Savior because i choose not to accept them any longer. I CHOOSE to transform and continually baptize not only my my heart over to God...but also my head and how or what I think. Will i continue to entertain the devil? or will i embrace truth...my freely given, fought for, and costly identity and inheritance as a pure, smart, capable and REDEEMED daughter of the King? Sometimes i feel like i really don't have a choice...like there is no way i cannot not choose these truths because it is life or death for me. Do i want death? Or do i want life? Its really that dramatic...its that vital to realize what we are truly choosing. sometimes for me it is really that deliberate as well lol.
It is a choice to remain stuck...or to move forward...to grow. No matter how minute the steps forward are...as long as progress is seen, it is growth. it is the choice of life. And it is absolutely necessary to recognize the progress. This is when looking back highlights your progression forward and helps you recognize growth and the whole of the ever-constant process. Aren't processes fun?! lol. Sometimes it is essential for us to make the choice even when we "aren't feeling it"---i have found that it is key for me to deliberately walk and talk in the opposite direction when a lie is uncovered and recognized. Something so intricate about our brains in that speaking things out...whether it be a lie or a truth...it is made more real...it is then that much more embedded and attached to our identit and self-concept...and is that much more able to influence our consequent thinking, feeling, and behaving. straight up Cognitive-Behavioral business! It is urgent for us to embrace our God-given identities and inheritances. we will not impact this world to our highest potentials if we choose to live in mediocrity of lies and half-truths. Choose life.
Endurance of Choice
I listened to this sermon podcast the other day and it blew my mind yet again. So as to process my thoughts out and effectively apply the concepts heard into my living...i'ma download for ya.
The preacher's name is Kris Vallotton. The title of the sermon was Perserverence, Pain & Suffering. (you can download his podcasts for free on itunes): yeah...so not exactly a topic one would naturally gravitate towards choosing to listen to, but thats kinda the why as to what i wanna break down.
We, as Christians...maybe also with the addition of the American outlook...view the above 3 concepts as needing to be avoided. Thats completely how i thought for 20 plus years...and even now have difficulty breaking open the boxed up worldview of the need to avoid pain at all costs. self-preservation. Not feeling the bad. Not thinking the hard. Not going through the valleys...always living for the high...the miracle...the provision of our wants and perceived needs. the "right" answer to our prayers. This is gunna step on sum toes, i jus know it, lol...because it even causes my own self to cringe on writing out the words of truth. Its uncomfortable for me to write out because i know i'm not there...will i ever be??
But the truth is: We need to learn how to live and endure through the ordinary instead of constantly focusing only on the highs and miracles. We miss so much in the normality that life capitalizes on. We are seemingly at a loss for how to perservere and ENDURE pain...and with that...how to endure everyday life. Its a choice. it always is:) the word endure implies choice. Jesus did not enjoy the pain he had to experience on the cross...he chose to endure it. What if he hadn't of chosen to endure? Joy would elude us. Salvation would be null. Because the truth is this: If you do not choose to enter into and endure the pain, suffering and perserverence, you will also be choosing to throw away the best gifts of joy as a reward and result. we will actually miss walking into those places of miracles that we long for. we lock ourselves out, to not only the worst, but also the best. And we live in incomplacency within the normal routine of daily life. we become joyless and unable to endure normality. Its a choice to press in...to make decisions that will bring you to a stronger point for the next day. He gave the example of the task and hard work of splitting logs. the question was asked "How many times do i have to hit the log until it splits?"...the answer "As many times it takes until it splits". Simple truth. But you can train and equip---learn that the log splits when you hit it in the same spot consistently...not when you keep trying to hit it differently...in different spots. Its all about consistency. Our faith is not about seeking and praying FOR the breakthrough as much as it is seeking and praying for the sake of continually going back---continual relationship...prayer...growth. You never know how close you are to the actual breakthrough...but that isnt your focus...the focus is hitting it on the same spot, consistently.
And when that miracle is not seen...we become disillusioned; thinking that something is wrong...its when our expectations don't get met...we begin to think that maybe we are disqualified from God's miracles. We quit. We become disappointed in God...we question his character as a result of a situation gone wrong in our minds...we twist our perspective on his goodness...we drift away from intimacy with Him as a result. we lose that part of our faith that gives us hope. Its when you have to have pure faith---and hope against hope---when we can then...and only then...truly believe. Believe in the character of the God that we serve...belief...when we don't feel or think it---that foundation that we have as the protection against the coldness of this world's hopelessness and death. We stop expecting, we stop believing, we stop praying! when it doesn't go our way or we experience pain...we get hurt...we suffer....this is when we, for some reason, insist on changing something so that we don't have to revisit these feelings. how many times have we stopped praying...one prayer too soon...one more prayer and plea to our Father---and we may have moved his heart? How many times have we given up...on someone...on something...in order to preserve ourselves? Avoid suffering? It is not a sacrifice if it does not cost us something. we are called to sacrifice in this life of faith...for others...for the advancement of the Gospel...for the glory of our King. I think its time that we add the following words to our vocabulary, thinking, and life: Suffering. Sacrifice. Pain. Endurance. Perserverence. It hurts, right? Uncomfortable?...of course. Necessary? You tell me. Do you really want to see the miracles? Do you really want to see what faith, joy, satisfaction and comfort feel like? Do you want to experience these gifts in the middle of the race..the through the ordinary routine? Choose to enter into the struggle...choose true FAITH.
I will choose to fight. I will choose to wake up every morning and enter into the struggle of working this faith out...i will choose endurance even when i don't feel it. i will choose to feel even when it hurts or is uncomfortable...or will prove to cause me pain and suffering. i will choose because Christ chose. I will choose because i desire the more. Oh God, help me to CHOOSE YOU!!!!
Love you all. please continue to pray for me to choose these truths consistently and continue to pursue growth, despite the cost.
The preacher's name is Kris Vallotton. The title of the sermon was Perserverence, Pain & Suffering. (you can download his podcasts for free on itunes): yeah...so not exactly a topic one would naturally gravitate towards choosing to listen to, but thats kinda the why as to what i wanna break down.
We, as Christians...maybe also with the addition of the American outlook...view the above 3 concepts as needing to be avoided. Thats completely how i thought for 20 plus years...and even now have difficulty breaking open the boxed up worldview of the need to avoid pain at all costs. self-preservation. Not feeling the bad. Not thinking the hard. Not going through the valleys...always living for the high...the miracle...the provision of our wants and perceived needs. the "right" answer to our prayers. This is gunna step on sum toes, i jus know it, lol...because it even causes my own self to cringe on writing out the words of truth. Its uncomfortable for me to write out because i know i'm not there...will i ever be??
But the truth is: We need to learn how to live and endure through the ordinary instead of constantly focusing only on the highs and miracles. We miss so much in the normality that life capitalizes on. We are seemingly at a loss for how to perservere and ENDURE pain...and with that...how to endure everyday life. Its a choice. it always is:) the word endure implies choice. Jesus did not enjoy the pain he had to experience on the cross...he chose to endure it. What if he hadn't of chosen to endure? Joy would elude us. Salvation would be null. Because the truth is this: If you do not choose to enter into and endure the pain, suffering and perserverence, you will also be choosing to throw away the best gifts of joy as a reward and result. we will actually miss walking into those places of miracles that we long for. we lock ourselves out, to not only the worst, but also the best. And we live in incomplacency within the normal routine of daily life. we become joyless and unable to endure normality. Its a choice to press in...to make decisions that will bring you to a stronger point for the next day. He gave the example of the task and hard work of splitting logs. the question was asked "How many times do i have to hit the log until it splits?"...the answer "As many times it takes until it splits". Simple truth. But you can train and equip---learn that the log splits when you hit it in the same spot consistently...not when you keep trying to hit it differently...in different spots. Its all about consistency. Our faith is not about seeking and praying FOR the breakthrough as much as it is seeking and praying for the sake of continually going back---continual relationship...prayer...growth. You never know how close you are to the actual breakthrough...but that isnt your focus...the focus is hitting it on the same spot, consistently.
And when that miracle is not seen...we become disillusioned; thinking that something is wrong...its when our expectations don't get met...we begin to think that maybe we are disqualified from God's miracles. We quit. We become disappointed in God...we question his character as a result of a situation gone wrong in our minds...we twist our perspective on his goodness...we drift away from intimacy with Him as a result. we lose that part of our faith that gives us hope. Its when you have to have pure faith---and hope against hope---when we can then...and only then...truly believe. Believe in the character of the God that we serve...belief...when we don't feel or think it---that foundation that we have as the protection against the coldness of this world's hopelessness and death. We stop expecting, we stop believing, we stop praying! when it doesn't go our way or we experience pain...we get hurt...we suffer....this is when we, for some reason, insist on changing something so that we don't have to revisit these feelings. how many times have we stopped praying...one prayer too soon...one more prayer and plea to our Father---and we may have moved his heart? How many times have we given up...on someone...on something...in order to preserve ourselves? Avoid suffering? It is not a sacrifice if it does not cost us something. we are called to sacrifice in this life of faith...for others...for the advancement of the Gospel...for the glory of our King. I think its time that we add the following words to our vocabulary, thinking, and life: Suffering. Sacrifice. Pain. Endurance. Perserverence. It hurts, right? Uncomfortable?...of course. Necessary? You tell me. Do you really want to see the miracles? Do you really want to see what faith, joy, satisfaction and comfort feel like? Do you want to experience these gifts in the middle of the race..the through the ordinary routine? Choose to enter into the struggle...choose true FAITH.
I will choose to fight. I will choose to wake up every morning and enter into the struggle of working this faith out...i will choose endurance even when i don't feel it. i will choose to feel even when it hurts or is uncomfortable...or will prove to cause me pain and suffering. i will choose because Christ chose. I will choose because i desire the more. Oh God, help me to CHOOSE YOU!!!!
Love you all. please continue to pray for me to choose these truths consistently and continue to pursue growth, despite the cost.
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