Through The Eyes of a Father.

More of You, God, and less of me. This is my prayer that has turned my world upside down and continues to mix it up more than not. Be ready for battle, for change, for trials and transformation as result of prayers! It has been a challenging last couple months in which i have been given what i am learning to see as a privilege of getting an up close and personal look into the eyes of my Father, a perspective much needed and one that has opened up more of my King's character to me.

The Father heart of God. Justice and Mercy collide to deliver the most perfect covering of protection, that we could ever ask for.  Often we see a pendulum swing of a one-sided worldview of a God that can only show justice or the opposite of a God who should only be merciful. But in reality, one cannot exist without the other.  God is a master of knowing and discerning what is called for in every situation. And at the center of his verdict remains the constant of pure Love. I have been reminded through current injustice drama that I cannot operate as a follower of Love, without continuously rooting myself within him and in so doing, I have shocked myself in how he has led my to respond. If I based every decision and response to hatred or injustice on my own emotions or character flaws...emotion of anger has resulted in cussing back and throwing down my own blows and in the weakness of "me" i would have definitely fought back...physically. I'm a fighter...i don't back down! But now I'm a follower...and while i don't necessarily back down, i do learn how to fight in a different way. And it's because I can see in a different way.  Kingdom perspective! And thank you, Jesus, that i have family, friends and spiritual mentors walking faithfully beside me to remind me this!!!

The best and all we can do is to give him everything.  What brings more joy to the heart of God but for his children to hold reckless abandon in their hearts to love him with all that they hold? Meaning, humbling ourselves and dropping off our fight and our "way" to choose his ways.  So we continue to try...to listen and hear, to open our eyes and see, to open our mind and know...we try with everything that we have and within every situation, to walk to the heartbeat of our Father. In so doing, you can expect to see new layers of God's character revealed. Like a present waiting to be opened!

The crap of "life" becomes less personal and the battles unfold a spiritual realm that is warring over this world. Questions become less of "what am I going to do?" and more of "God, now what do we do?"...responses become less hasty of negative emotion and more goal directed towards advancing the Kingdom. Mind, Soul, Spirit.  Making room for God to rule--to direct and lead, to admonish and enlighten, to walk us through the fire and into miracles...opening our own blurry and tear-filled eyes to see through the eyes of our Father.

Mirror Image.

strolling the street, trying to clear my mind, trying to remember who i am. I come to a halt in front of the sidewalk shop and stare back at my reflection in the glass. Who are you, I wonder? For my face is deadened, hope evades these eyes, my whole body slumped as if it has given up, and within my hand, my fingers grip securely to a recently fired gun. And suddenly, as if rewatching a scene from a horror movie, I remember what i've done..and I gasp...that's who i am, a murderer.  For I have murdered with hate each time it has poured from my heart.

I run away from my reflection as if trying, desperately to outrun my own self. Panting and exhausted, I come to a pause at another window. Hesitantly, I glance towards it, hoping to see someone else.  And there, appears yet another glimpse of regret. It is me, I am taken back to a version of myself in which it is clear that I have given glory to everything...everything destructive. Eyes weary and bloodshot, i squint, myself, to be sure i'm seeing correctly. Yes, it is me, with a drink in one hand and a blunt in the other...what i once thought was "free", yet my shackled hands and feet told a different story. I am...a slave to the world.

And as I turn, dejected to find some solace from my past, I walk through a whirlwind of memories that I've tried to keep down for so long...images of betrayal, abuse, panic, anxiety, depression, addiction, feelings of fear and doubt, rejection....I am sobered to the reality of just how broken I was...I am. Just how can I be of any use to you, God, if I am so damaged? I arrive home, ready to retreat into a cave of depression and shut out the world that threatens to break me apart, once more. Reaching home, however, I am faced with one last mirror reflection and I close my eyes entirely, not wanting to see anymore! But i force myself to look.

What I saw that day has forever changed me. For it was rather, who I saw, and that, being Jesus, himself. To my surprise, I saw the gentle eyes of my Father, beckoning me to see his masterpiece. He opened my eyes to recall each time he built me back up from pain, every instance where he planted, sowed and cultivated seeds of righteousness, trust, faithfulness...pieces of his own heart in places where mine was dead, damaged and torn. It was as if he laid hand to everything within me...and with every touch, delicately restoring me back to himself...back to how he originally created me. And I see myself as whole...I see myself, not as I deserve, but how my Father who formed me, sees me to be. With eyes of loving grace.  And what is more...I see Jesus.

And he turned to me and saw me, and spoke "I have seen you. From the very beginning I have seen you. What you see as a broken vessel, I see as beautiful. And what has been damaged, is an area of special delight to me, in that, I see the extra care...the places in which have turned from dying desert to vibrant life...and that is my favorite. Darkness claimed for Light, by my voice. I have called you forth...you are mine. And when the truth gets too blurry, and you can only see yourself, I will always remind you. You are mine."

Mere Humanity. Royal Father.

Picking up the mail, I open a not-so-nice note left by my neighbor: Another test to check my anger at the door. This loving your neighbor stuff is not quite as easy as I always seem to...(re)think! Especially when blatant injustice is knocking at your door. I move to the Eastside all excited about seeing people healed and redeemed and ready to love with all my heart...and yet, at the first obstacle and test of love, I recoil.  SO HARD!  And I struggle with feeling like such a huge disappointment to God...already. I am severely reminded of my mere humanity. And yet, I am moved.

I am moved and reminded to place my trust and faith in a God who intimately formed our mere humanity and who freely offers the life source of love...overflowing with immense power...sovereign control.  He so desires and needs to be in the dead center of our lives...head over every thought, decision, and response so that it is his love that we are pulling from and not our tainted and limited portion.  In our human weakness we have the decision to be ruled by our short-sighted emotion or to choose trust.  To faithfully drop our load in the hands of our Papa (Who, by the way, knows a little something about injustice!), and who, I believe, takes delight in fighting for us. Like a dad with his child who is getting mistreated...our Creator takes joy in defending us. How many chances do we miss seeing and allowing God's powerful glory to be put on display when we try to fix problems without him?

I have become thankful for this trial (ask me tomorrow and that may be different;) ). But, honestly, the challenges have led me to know my Father a little bit more...see him a little bit clearer than yesterday.  It has reminded me of the necessity and power of intercessory and unceasing prayer. Did you know that we, yes, as mere humans, have the attention of the Artist of the universe? We have the ability, with our prayers, petition and conversation with the Lord, to sway his mind...to unleash the angel armies...to bring down heaven to earth?! Why would we stop praying?!  Let us not...no, not ever, become satisfied with who we know God to be. His greatness goes beyond our comprehension and there is always more. 

And when we cannot hear the answer, may we not give up knocking and asking...for we cannot see the dent we are making and the next prayer just may be that needed prayer that pushes past Satan's attempts at disarming us and unleashes the breakthrough we've been fighting for.  God uses us. Not only in our strengths and gifts, but also in our weakness. He calls forth the most unlikely to display his glory and to offer his accepting and redeeming heart to a world that throws it away and calls it waste. My God puts his hand in the "trash" and digs out the discarded and dead heart, only to breathe life into a now beating vessel of beautiful love. That is my God.  A God who longs to be known.  A God who calls mere humanity his chosen people.